Learning to thrive

A friend asked me to help her balance her budget last night. She is worried about how she will survive all of these recent price hikes and the threat of more to come. I know a lot of people feel like that at the moment, and the media are not helping. She can’t understand why I am not panicking as my income is less than hers.  My brain doesn’t work that way anymore. I work at not letting fear control me. I already believe that I will be ok, and focus on adapting to continue to thrive. I have no intention of just scraping by, feeling deprived and miserable. My plan is to carry on feeling abundant. The thing about the brain, is that it believes what you tell it, and the subconscious searches for ways to make it happen.

Many prices have doubled over the last 5 years, and yet some how I feel ǰust as rich as I did in 2020. This is despite my food budget remaining constant, my income only increasing by £44 a month during those 5 years, whilst outgoings have increased a whole lot more.

What does thriving look like for  me?

You may ask what thriving actually means. For me it feels like I am flourishing, developing, growing, and succeeding at keeping the kind of life style that I want. I am successful, maybe not in the eyes of most people as I don’t have status or money, but measured by my own values, and in comparison to previous years.

What helps me to thrive?

1. My everyday habits that I have built up over years of being frugal and keeping life simple.  Complexity steals energy and focus, and causes stress. Learning to say “no” to other people’s expectations and demands has helped. I try to focus on what is important to me, and don’t try to compete with other people or get involved with other people’s dramas. Having a mindset of being grateful, and feeling that I don’t really need anything else, helps me not spend unintentionally. I don’t need material things to make me feel happy, or rich.

2. Having a reason and a ‘why’ helps me stay focussed on keeping to my frugal habits and lifestyle. I don’t want to have to go to work as it is not good for my mental health. For the same reason I don’t want to jump through the hoops of trying to claim benefits. This drives me to keep being innovative, and looking for ways to adapt as circumstances change. All of these gradual changes just become the norm. Many feel like enhancements rather than deprivation, especially as far as food is conserned.

3. Adapting is my super power. I am not precious about keeping anything the same. I search outside of the box for solutions, and intentionally make planned  changes. Regularly I make mistakes and fail, but learn from them rather than lamenting and focussing on them. I pick myself up, protect my mindset with the actions I know help me (nature, journaling, etc), and keep trying. Being consistent and turning up for yourself every day that you can is really important. Once you give up, throw the towel in, or believe that you are a victim and can’t do something, you have lost. Even survival will be hard. That doesn’t mean that you don’t falter, or need rest days. It just means that sometimes you have to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, reset, and understand that there will always be curve balls and obstructions. It is just life.

4. Learning new skills. Even at my age, every day is a school day. I love learning new skills and knowledge. I am constantly growing in different ways. This helps me to adapt.  Celebrating and acknowledging my wins is also important in motivating me to keep trying. I no longer hide the charity shop top I found for £1, or the pie I made from fridge gravel. They are something to be boasted about as they are positive steps on my journey to thriving. They are part of who I am and my values. I am proud to be me and I am not trying to change my authentic self any more. It is so much easier living inside myself now that I don’t have the pressure of trying to be accepted.

5. Being creative and open to new ideas. I enjoy being creative and facing a challenge. This includes being creative with my accounting, my food production and preservation, my writing, meals, and my resources. Finding a new way to save money, or make something that I would have bought from the supermarket gives me a real buzz, and the nearest I can feel to being free (one of my top values).

6. Looking for free resources or way to use what I already have. I have always enjoyed upcycling and repurposing things and am always on the lookout for anything that is free and useful. This may be looking for things to forage when out walking, finding ways to reduce food waste, looking on freecycle before I buy something that I need, making the most of local initiatives, or peeping in a skip.

There are so many free resources out there, but if they aren’t free maybe they can be bartered, or skill shared. I rarely spend without looking for an alternative first. When I do spend  I have researched to make sure that I have got the best price and the best product. I don’t buy cheap. I invest in quality and myself. Sometimes I will sell things that I no longer need or want, to pay for new things. Most of us have things tucked away in cupboards gathering dust.

7. Coming out of my comfort zone. When we stay in that comfort zone we don’t grow or develop. Life is static and so will inevitably get worse. I challenge myself to come out of my comfort zone regularly and do something that I find challenging. It maybe something small like making a phone call, or something larger like giving an interview. As I grow my confidence and self esteem grows. I can remember thinking that I would never have the skills or confidence to share my knowledge on social media. Doing so has connected me to so many kind people who are on my wave length, and I have gained so much knowledge from them in return.

8. Action plans, and reviewing them are so important.  Only by looking back on what I have done, can I see if I am moving forward, or change what isn’t working. Planning helps me save resources. This includes meal planning so that food isn’t wasted, journeys to save time and fuel, and planning rest, fun, and self care into my life. Reviewing my budgets and spending, or even how I feel about my life by using the Wheel of Life helps me improve my circumstances.

I try to be always solution focussed rather than worry or despair. I believe that every problem has a solution, or a way to make it better. Having a B plan also always helps me stay one step ahead. An example of this was when I fitted the woodburner into the house when I retired. It was my plan B for heating and cooking if money was tight. Over the last 10 years it has saved me more money than it cost (I use foraged wood), it has helped me feel secure, and I have enjoyed it. My garden was my B plan for food, my bike my B plan to visit my daughter 6 miles away. I always try to be one step ahead of any potential problem. Building an emergency fund is also part of  that. It has saved me from getting back into debt.

9. Taking responsibility. Victim mentality, and making  problems your identity, does not do you any favours. If you blame a person, an illness, an event, for your demise, you are not taking responsibility to change or overcome it. Nothing therefore will change and you will be struggling to survive. I did that for too many years and blamed my ex and his behaviour for everything wrong in my life. Now I ask myself why things are happening, or why some one’s behaviour is impacting on me. I work out a plan to change my reaction. I also ask myself what I can learn from the situation so that it doesn’t happen again. If a situation does reoccur I recognise it, or know what to do.

10. Spotting opportunities and taking them. I don’t take up all opportunities, but weigh up the pros and cons. However, if it is a good opportunity I try not to talk myself out of it, as I used to. This is still a work in progress for me on days when my self esteem is low. I am also not a quitter and if I set my mind to sometĥing, I will finish it, unless it harmful to me or others. Knowing when to quit is a skill I am still learning, especially where relationships or people are involved.

11. I believe that the universe is on my side and things happen for a reason, even of it is not clear why at the time. Being optimistic helps me stay focussed and on track.. Not letting other people project their fear onto you, or listening to the fear or those negative voices in your head, which we all get, is important. I try to catch my negative thoughts and replace them with examples of times I have survived and thrived before, and remember past positive stories. I listen to my thoughts and how I am talking to myself. I ask myself if it is helpful. This isn’t about putting my head in the sand and pretending everything is ok. It is about deciding where I want to use my emotional energy. Having boundaries and walking away from people whose energy drains me also helps.

12. Identifying and focussing on my strengths. I know what I am good at, and I know what I’m not. I therefore waste little time trying to achieve something that would waste a lot of my energy for little reward or joy. I keep myself accountable, and use my support network to encourage me, motivate me, and I offer support  back in return. Having someone who can be honest with you, and can support you emotionally when times are tough, is important. I have a few friends that do this, but also have the SFL  FB group.

Someone in our FB group mentioned the fact that a lot of people who think that they are just surviving are in fact thriving. They may not be aware of this, or have the confidence to believe it. However, despite times feeling difficult, they are growing, adapting, developing and being successful at meeting the challenges that are facing us currently. Just because you are thriving doesn’t mean that life feels easy. Really it is all about mindset, as most challenges in life are. Do you feel like you are thriving based on your parameters?