Christmas, and the end of the year, are almost upon us. I don’t drink alcohol very often, but am sitting here, by my wood burning stove, nursing some mulled wine in my tin mug. It is a mystery why, but I love to drink out of a tin mug and use it every day. I guess it reminds me of happy days camping, cooking on fires on the beach, and also my wonderful time in the girl guides. Keep my mulled wine warm on top of the stove is easy if I place a few copper coins on top.
Watching the dancing flames made me think of Christmas’s past and how it is different this year. My family get together was on 14th December, due to work and family commitments. It felt too early at the time, but I can relax now whilst everyone else rushes around. We didn’t serve traditional food, but had all fish dishes instead. Everyone loved the change and we said that we would do that in future.
My children usually end up eating 4 or 5 Christmas dinners due to fractured and blended families. They remember one of the best Christmas meals being the year the oven broke half way through the chicken being cooked. I made chicken fajitas and didn’t have to spend as much time in the kitchen.
Looking back now I wonder why I worked so hard to make the perfect Christmas dinner. I guess I was trying to make Christmas special, which is hard as a broke, single parent. As I have aged, I have realised that time together is more important than money spent, and things don’t have to be perfect. Making Christmas crafts and cooking together are the important memories. My grandson loved making the penguin and polar bear chocolate lollies, and decorating cookies.
I feel that Christmas has become far too commercialised now and there is so much pressure on parents. Some of the magic and simple traditions that I remember seem to have been lost. I read somewhere that some traditions went back to the 9th Century. The nativity play was one of them. As a kid I always wanted to be Mary or an angel. I was usually a shepherd with a tea towel on my head. It gladdened my heart to hear that my daughter’s school still did a nativity play in these woke times. I believe all religions festivals should be shared and celebrated together.
Obviously some traditions have disappeared due to health and safety reasons. I remember the days when live candles were lit on a tree. Eating the Christmas pudding was far more exciting, then, as we searched to see if we were lucky enough to find the silver six pence. It felt like a fortune in those days. Not many people eat or make steamed puddings now. They just buy them from the supermarket. Myself included. I usually get them in the January sales. I remember reading that they went out of fashion as coal fires disappeared. Many a housewife would cook them in the grate. My great gran was one of them.
Everyone went to the pantomime when I was a kid. It was the only time I could visit the theatre. It felt so posh. The national anthem would be played at the end. As we waited for the panto to start, the song about a mouse living in a windmill in old Amsterdam would be played. We would all sing along to it.
I think panto is a very British thing. For me, it was the highlight of the year. Now you almost need a mortgage to visit the theatre, and the television channels and Netflix beam films and pantos privately into your own home. However, that special atmosphere is lost. “Oh no it isn’t, ” 😊. Even an amateur dramatics panto can set a family of 4 back £60 or more.
One tradition that I have changed for the better is opening presents together around the tree. I had a pillow case containing presents put in my room over night. They were mostly from extended family. Opening them alone brought little joy, even if I liked what I got. It was probably done so that my parent’s could sleep in longer. It makes it special when presents are opened together. I find the joy of giving, and seeing the reaction, is better than the receiving.
We have gone back to nature to decorate my home, as was once the tradition. I look up now, and holly, rosemary,and the fir on my mantlepiece represent hope, eternal life, and protection. This and other evergreens stem back to the traditions of the winter solstice, and represent life and fertility. Christianity then adopted it, with the thorns and red berries of the holly signifying the crown and blood of Christ, and the evergreens signifying eternal life.
I spent a lot of time as a child making paper chains to decorate, often made from old magazines. Cotton wool would be put on the branches of the tree to represent snow. It was recycled year after year and was grubby in the end. The glass ornaments would be brought out carefully, all wrapped in newspaper. I have a box full of them that I inherited from my mum. They must be over 60 years old and adorn a branch in my dining room each year. Their beauty would be lost in all the modern decorations on my Christmas tree. Each one brings it’s own memories of a childhood Christmas.
At this year time of year it is impossible to not be reminded of people long gone that once I shared the Christmas table with. Now the grief is less, it is easier to remember the shared happy times together. The things that annoyed me at the time, now make me smile. The drunk uncle, the great aunt that pinched the best chocolates, my ex husband being grumpy as he hated family get togethers. My friend being ultra competitive at quiz games, my mum filling her plate and taking other people’s portions when times were tight. I also have lovely memories of my favourite aunt making me snowballs with advocat, served with a plastic sword with a cherry on it. I was only about 12 and felt so grown up. Maybe writing this will keep these memories alive for my children when I am gone.
Our Christmases are more chilled and less commercialised sinced I have retired. It is no longer a competition to make it the best Christmas ever. Slowing down and low finances actually help to keep it more simple, and somehow more special. We are grateful for the special food at Christmas as we eat simply most of the rest of the year. It felt that I had lost the Christmas spirit this year, with everything that has been going on. Sitting here, I realise that it is always inside me. I just need to be still and remember. We have tried to teach the magic of Christmas to my grandson, and don’t want him to think that is all about presents. Except for children, we have stopped giving gifts this year, as finances are squeezed further. I usually make hampers, but with Mr S being ill, we have broken the tradition this year.
The stress is therefore less. I am not spending days in the kitchen. This unplanned reset feels calming and helpful. As an adult, I will probably never get fully back that magic of Christmas, but it has certainly felt closer this year, as I have just relaxed, enjoyed time with my family, and watched my grandson’s excitement.
I raise my tin cup to you and yours, and send good cheer. Here is hoping that the Christmas preparations are not leaving you too frazzled. I wonder what my children’ memories will be of Christmas when they reach old age? What do you remember about Christmas past?
Below are some other blogs that I have written at this time of year.
Lowering expectations to find the magic of Christmas
Being more intentional this Christmas
Lovely post Toni. I am trying not to ‘frazzle’ and have done my last shop today. If we dont have it now we can go without! Hope you and Mr S have a lovely few days together
Thank you. You too x
Great post Toni, one of my favourite memories is dancing with my grandad, I was standing in his feet as he waltzed me round the living room under the paper chains we had been making 💕
Aww that is a lovely memory x
This is beautiful, Toni.
My first memory of Christmas was sitting on the floor with my parents watching me open my presents.
Later in the day, we would go to to my nan’s where my aunt would organise pass the parcel for all twenty of we nephews and nieces. It was clearly fixed because we all went home with a toy!
Happy times. 😊
That sounds like loads of fun.
My happy memories of Christmas include the excitement of unwrapping a box with a new doll in it. There was something about the smell that met me as I opened the box. Dolls my niece had didn’t have that smell. I loved singing the carols at school. I loved people coming to stay and us going to Cambridge on a train. The excitement of s landing on the platform and my mum saying we had to get in the waiting room until the engine stopped because of the smoke as it would make Smuts on our clothes. We only lived half an hour away by car but we didn’t have one. My Auntie went went to went and stayed at was not far from where I live now and I used to walk past the ground floor flat where my Nana lived. Soon that will be pulled down which is sad.
Father Christmas brought us a pillow case with presents in, things like pencils, sharpener, coloured pencils, a jigsaw, probably dolls clothes made from wool I had seen in the cupboard but I was told Mrs Claus had just bought the same type. Father Christmas did bring all what was in that sack and I expect some of the things had been bought by at least one of my aunties as they didn’t have children so spoilt us.
I tried to create the same type of Christmas with my children, they also were spoilt by those 2 aunties and they had grand parents to enjoy it with too.
I am not sure my grandson will have the same memories. Each year it seems his presents get more expensive and they don’t have traditions like I did and still do. He is an only child and our get togethers are much smaller. He will no doubt have some type of games console in his hands most of the time and he doesn’t like playing games. I order what he will look back to in years to come?
Love the memories of you dancing with your dad
We had stockings that were dad’s long socks, always with a satsuma and a silver 6d. When we opened our presents mum had a notebook and wrote down what each of us 3 children received. We spent the afternoon writing thank you letters!
That brought back memories for me too. I hated writing the letters when all I wanted to do was play. ☺️
Thank you Toni . Hope Mr S is on the mend . I remember Christmas as children & the Christmas stockings with tangerines & chocolate coins & walnuts . I remember cracking open nets of nuts using a nut cracker time consuming but worth if xx
I am cooking meats & taking to Veritys our daughters hoping we can have a cheerful day . Won’t be much alcohol drank but some non alcoholic goodies will go down well. Love to you all xxx
I hope you do hace a lively time. I used to lofe cracking the nuts but only liked the hazlenuts at the time 😊
What a lovely reflective post. At Christmas I always remember the happiness I felt at my grandparents house, not the gifts just the feeling of being happy and loved with them. You are giving this feeling to little legs and it is better than any physical gift. Hope you have a very restful Christmas.
Thank you. I hope so. X
Your blog brought back many happy memories of childhood Christmases. I was one of six children and money was always tight. One year my father made me a pair of wooden stilts, I remember going out in the garden to practice. We had crackers that contained indoor fireworks, my mother would put a metal plate on the hearth and we’d take turns to light them. Can you imagine doing that now!
Also games were a big part of Christmas- pass the parcel, blind man’s bluff and spin the trencher all played with uncles, aunties and cousins.
Oh what memories.
My grandad made me stilts, too. Basically a block of wood on long pieces of wood. 😊. Those fire works sound like great fun.
Awww Toni, The mouse in old Amsterdam is that were it goes ‘clip, clippity clop on the stairs’ I was singing that the other day! I was driving Dave mad, he’d never heard it before him being 5years younger than me.
My memories are so special to me I know how fortunate I was to have such a lovely childhood no siblings so I had used to get a bit spoilt but only on a Christmas and I always wanted a bike but my parents would never buy me one because they said I would kill myself, we live on a main road that was the reason they gave me.
I always liked books, pens, Spirograph, anything like that I’m still the same today I’m always writing and always a pad nearby. Myself my Mom and Dad always opened our presents in turn and we watched each other open there’s … magical those memories.
I wish you a very merry Christmas Toni, we will reminisce together of our childhood and truly always be grateful. 🎅🏻❤️
Oh yeah my first ever Xmas with a Christmas card with Wife on, that will come out every Christmas now ( we keep the same cards for every year)
Take care. X
Yes, clip, clipperty clop on the stairs 😊. Mr S and I have started exchanging the same card every year. This is our second year of doing it.
A lovely blog that made me think of a couple of special Christmases, one, in the 50s when our Dad was bedridden after being in hospital having had Rhumatic fever, he hadn’t worked for a long time, we were very hard up, a few days before Christmas a man knocked on the door, my sister answered it, the man asked if we wanted to buy a bag of carrots, Mum said “say, no thank you”, my sister did and the man then asked if we’d like a sack of potatoes, again Mum said “tell him, no thank you” back she went to the door and told him, he then asked if we’d like a sack of coal, by this time Mum was annoyed so she went to the door to tell the man to go away only to see it was one of Dad’s workmates, she invited him in, he actually bought, carrots, potatoes and coal which was wonderful, he stayed a while then gave Dad a hug before taking his leave, when Mum went to settle Dad for a rest she moved his pillow, underneath it was a note and a load of cash! It was from all the men at the works, they’d had a collection for Dad and us so it meant we would be warm and fed. That wasn’t the end of that special 🤶 though, we four sisters all under ten l think, wanted to go Carol singing, Dad refused to let us go without making sure we knew each Carol word for word and he taught us to sing in proper harmony, out we went together and stood outside a house singing, no knocking first back then, we started the second verse and the door opened, we carried on and when we’d finished the lady gave us half a crown! We sang outside quite a lot of houses before returning home with lots of silver coins, shillings, florins and sixpence as well as lots of coppers, Mum and Dad were astounded at the amount, Dad cried, Mum went shopping the next day, l remember she came back with satsumas and chocolates wrapped in shiny paper, it was a truly magical Christmas for us four little girls.
Aww those are wonderful memories
Lovely blog Toni. Made me think of past Christmas’s. As children we always had a stocking with a satsuma, chocolate coins, a can of cola, small toys and a book. As we got older they’d contain a pair of tights, make up and toiletries, along with the cola, satsuma and chocolate coins!
There would always been a Christmas cake, a Tunis cake, trifle and a chocolate log! Not forgetting the huge tin of Quality Street. So much sugar!
Mum would cook a massive turkey and ham. Christmas dinner was a big thing, washed down with a bottle of Blue Nun. But our favourite dinner was Boxing Day, cold meat, bubble and squeak, proper chip pan chips and lots of pickles and chutneys that mum had made in the run up to Christmas.
I did keep a lot of the family traditions going with my own children, like Santa bringing a balloon each night in December when he called in to check all were being good! My grandson has the Santa visit now, a new balloon every morning!
Christmas is very commercial nowadays, but I think there is still magic if you look for it. The faces of little children as they see the Christmas lights, the laughter and groans around the dinner table as the cracker jokes are read and just being with those you love and don’t see often enough.
I’m not a big fan of Christmas, mostly because it’s in the dark cold winter which I hate, but I do cherish the time spent with loved ones and remembering those that were once a big part of my Christmas’s and are no longer here.
I thought long and hard before posting this comment but feel it’s something that should be said. You implied that the nativity no longer takes place because of these woke times. As the wife of a vicar I know first hand how much churches are struggling to maintain their congregation let alone increase them. I think the move away from the nativity is more about the move away from the church rather than being woke.
I think we are probably both right. I was talking more about inside schools, but it must be so hard for your husband. I am not religious myself but have friends who are both in corporate posts that have been asked to hide their Christianity. One was told not to have her cross on display. Another was asked to remove her fish car sticker for fear of offending others. I just wish that we could all just celebrate difference and share each other’s festivals as we did at my school as a child. Unfortunnately Christianity is now being used as apolitical tool with the religious rallies in major cities. I am hoping that it doesn’t get taken over ny people with their own agendas. Thanksvfor commenting. I don’t pretend to always be right and am always willing to learn from other people’s experience. Take care
Thank you for your reply. It’s always good to have an open and honest discussion. I totally agree that it is concerning how Christianity is being used in a political way, the worst part is the people doing this totally miss the point of being a Christian.