Finding inner peace

I have been told by people that have known me for a long time that I am a different person since I retired.  I really believe that it is because I have found a kind of inner peace.  I think that this happens to a lot of people as they get older. I don’t think I found my inner peace on purpose, I think it just happened as I tried to find my authentic self and did lots of internal work on my mental health.

I stopped needing people, status, or money to validate me.  I didn’t need to explain or tell my side of the story anymore and I could just let things go.   I have nothing to prove to anyone. That doesn’t mean that I don’t still face challenges or heart ache, or make mistakes, and lapse sometimes.  It just means that I navigate and deal with them in a better way and they do not set me back for long periods of time.  I am also not bitter or negative about life or my past.  I accept that it is what it is but still work on changing what I have control of.

What is inner peace?

I guess other words to describe it for me would be serenity, contentment, tranquillity, acceptance, calmness, an absence of stress, anxiety, guilt or jealousy

Which feelings and behaviour show that you have yet to find inner peace?

Gossiping, comparing yourself to others, lack of direction or goals, massive emotional mood swings, pessimism, jealousy, insecurity.

What are the signs that you have found inner peace?

1.  You smile when things are not funny, for instance when you watch a child, see a sunset, or see an old couple holding hands.  The smile reaches the eyes and happens unconsciously.
2. You stop or reduce judging yourself and show yourself tolerance and compassion.
3. You are not interested in gossip and more or less stop judging other people.
4. Fears and insecurities from the past no longer manage your behaviour.
5. The simple little things are what bring you enjoyment and you will enjoy your own company
6. You reduce worry.  It is a waste of energy and puts you through difficult times numerous times.
7. You avoid conflict and get no enjoyment from it.
8. Gratitude overwhelms you sometimes.  This might be for people, experiences, or for things that are happening in your life generally.
9. You feel connected to nature and other people with similar values and mindset.
10. You allow yourself to be loved and trust people
11. You are able to take and appreciate complements without putting yourself down.
12. You stop forcing things to happen but go with the flow.

The last 3 were really big learning curves for me.

Why is it important to find inner peace?

It will lead to life being happier, less stressful and feelings of contentment.  You will accept and like yourself and your life more.  It is good for your mental health as you will learn how to manage your negative emotions.  Energy levels will increase and you will have less drama in your life. You will be more organised and function and deal with life’s challenges in a more positive, and constructive, way.

How I found inner peace.

It started when I became more mindful and tried to live in the moment instead of regretting and being bitter about the past, or planning for the future.  I also learned to have compassion for myself and to not beat myself up for mistakes, lapses, or not dealing with things well. I started to form an inner calmness instead of the constantly stressed state of alertness that used to be my mindset. Here is what I did.

1. Practising mindfulness and using my senses to time to focus on what is around me
2. Journaling and exploring my unconscious feelings and insecurities that were behind my past behaviour
3. Eating more healthily.  I have cut down on the UPF, cook things from scratch, and try to eat organically as much as I can.
4. Meditation.  I am not good at meditation but kind of do it when I am out walking in solitude, in the shower, or just before I go to sleep.
5. Plenty of walks in nature, especially woods.
6. Gardening, nurturing and spending lots of time outside
7. Owning up to my mistakes and negative behaviours and feelings and realising that my past does not define me.
8. Dealing with my negative behaviours head on and setting goals to change or modify them if they were toxic.  Taking responsibility for my ow actions and admitting my mistakes and not just blaming other people.
9. Expelling negative or toxic people out of my life
10. Learning to say ‘No” and not being a door mat or people pleaser (still working on this one but a lot better).
11. Sleeping well and going to bed at a decent time.
12. Spending more time with family and making new friends with the same values (including those in my FB group)
13. Learning to forgive people who have badly hurt or damaged me.
14. Decluttering.  My living environment is slowly being decluttered which reduces stress, work, and decision making and calms me.  I also declutter my mind and stay away from situations and people that stress me out.
15. Accepting that life will never be perfect and there will always be problems and challenges but believing that I have the skills to deal with them.
16. Practice gratitude.  Often before I go to sleep I will think back on the day and name 5 things that I am grateful for, even it has not been a particularly good day.  This helps me be more content and realise how lucky I am.
17. Focus on what is good in my life rather than the ‘dark’ bits.
18. Living a simple life where material things are not important.
19. Taking time for self care and recognising when I need to show myself more love and look after myself.
20. Learning to be my authentic self and not pretending to be someone or something that I am not.  Previously I had played nothing more than a role and had totally lost myself.  I mixed with people I didn’t particularly like, dressed in clothes that I did not feel comfortable in, and lived a life that I did not feel comfortable with, and didn’t reflect my values or make me happy.

I am not pretending that my life is perfect and that my inner peace is topped up all of the time.  Once you have achieved it, is not something that you can then forget and neglect.  It needs to be nurtured, worked on, and guarded.  Now and again I slip and I have to work hard to get find that inner peace again.  However, it gets easier every time because my brain has muscle memory. Have I described this feeling right? What works for me might not work for everyone, and it does not happen over night. there will be things that work for you, though, if you feel that you need to make changes. It must have took me at least 3 or 4 years to really feel big changes as it needs to be done in little steps. Life did improve straight away, though. Can anyone else identify with these feelings and if so, what has helped you achieve inner peace?