I have noticed that a lot of people around me are full of worry at the moment, and so I thought that I would right a blog to try to help reduce that worry. It is so easy to get into the habit of worrying about every thing, It might be about paying bills, war, food shortages, family, illness, job loss, or relationships.
Over the years I have consciously tried to stop worrying as much. I realised that most of the stuff that I worried about didn’t actually happen. It was wasted energy, time and anxiety. I can remember my Gran saying to me “No point in worrying lass, it is not going to change anything”, but still I did 🙄. I found that worries came in clumps like buses. One worry would spark off another related worry. It was making me ill. I later realised that a lot of what I was worrying about was losing stuff – love, wealth, independence, status, freedom, happiness, family, independence, health, and support.
Ironically, worrying made me more likely to lose things as I was focusing on the negative rather than the positive. Our brain believes the messages that it receives and finds ways to make them happen. That is why they are often a self fulfilling prophecy. I wanted certainty. I wanted a crystal ball, but like doesn’t work that way. It likes to throw curve balls instead.. I used to ‘catastrophise’ and visualise the worst case scenario so that I could make a plan, but very rarely would I need to use it. I still always have a plan B, as planning is the thing that keeps me sane, but my mindset has changed so that I don’t actually think that I will have to use it.
If I had carried on thinking that the worst was going to happen, I would never have been able to retire early on a small income. I learned to accept that we are surrounded by uncertainty, that is the nature of modern life. However, I realised I could consciously measure it in each situation, and remove some of the uncertainty to provide more certainty. By measuring an unknown quantity you make it known. You can’t predict if you will find love but you can introduce yourself to more people or take actions to find someone new. I couldn’t predict that I would survive on my pension, but I could pay off my mortgage, start growing food, stock pile toiletries, get a wood burner, and buy some good quality clothes before I gave up my job. This made it more likely.
I found that shifting my focus from the long term problem, and focussing on daily small steps to reduce the uncertainty, reduced my anxiety and worry. I was still forming my plan but it was a positive one. I live more in the ‘now’ these days and try not to worry about the future. I don’t leave it to fate, and make positive plans, but leave them flexible to reduce anxiety if they change. When I have a problem, I don’t let it expand and get bigger, but try to be solution focussed, and take small actions to reduce the uncertainty. I talk to someone I trust or setting intentions and journaling help with this. Walking in nature and chatting to myself is also a habit that helps! I can’t even remember what I was worrying about 5 years ago and so it can’t have been important, but even if it was, I have survived and am still thriving. 😐. What helps you cope with worry? Have a great day ❤️
The way the world is today is very anxiety provoking but worrying wont change a thing,so,like you,i try to avoid it by dealing with what i CAN control rather than focusing on what i cant. Not getting into debt can help with money anxiety i have found. Thank you for the advice x
Absolutely. Great advice. Being more self sufficient reduces my anxiety. Thanks for sharing
Wise words xx
Thanks
Thank you for this today Toni. Today is the first of my weeks working two days… so lots of worries. Will I have enough money mainly.. no amount of reassurance from people who do not know my situation will help. This is one situation I have to work out for myself. I am home on my own with no purpose for the day for the first time in my 62.5 years.. hopefully It will become a joy but that’s not it today 😊 so putting them worries in a box and going out for a walk.
It took me some time to get used to not having a purpose when I retired. I had to get out of my comfort zone and make new friends as mine were still working. Try to believe that it will work and your brain will then find ways to make it work. Good luck with your retirement. You will find a new purpose.
I enjoyed this post so much! What helps me when I worry (and I do worry a lot) is talking to the worry as if it were an unwelcome visitor. Sounds bonkers I know, but I find doing that gives it an identity to whom I can say, ‘Buzz off, you don’t have a crystal ball, and in this moment I am safe so you are not needed. Thank you’. Strangely, it seems to work!
Great idea. It will do as your worry is your sub conscious. Your brain believes what you tell it. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for this. At present I am laying awake some nights worrying/panicking whether I will be able to cope financially for rowing passing of husband in November. Unfortunately have been advised I will not receive any of his pension bad he had no life insurance so income to home as dropped by about 40% so stressing if we can cope money wise on top of grieving for him.
Bless you. So sorry for your loss. It might be worth getting some benefits advice, or talking to help the aged if a certain age. I hope that things get easier for you. It must be a very worrying time
Yes I worry a lot about stuff live on my own a part time job,hence why I find your tips and website very useful for my situation, always trying ways. To simplify my life further,thanks Toni
NO worries. It is a journey, and you will keep finding new ways that suit you as we are all different. Good luck
Thank you for this and yes I’m a worrier and overthinker and living in my own I find things can spiral downwards pretty quickly. I’ve dabbled with journaling and one of my intentions this year is to use the power of journaling to let go of the negativity.
I try not to worry about the things I can’t control, and for those I cantrol I try and find a solution. I find swimming clears my head
I am glad that you have found a way to clear your head. Yes, you are right. There is no point in worrying about things that we have no influence over. Thanks for sharing
Brilliant. It works for me. I just dump it on the page. Good luck
Thank you for another useful post Toni. I do tend to get anxious easily and am making a determined effort to be mindful in tasks I am doing to calm my mind. Even doing the washing up can be an exercise in calm mindfulness.
It can. Well done
Thanks! I try to remember the quotes
“A man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.”
and my favourite
“I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”
Mark Twain
Great quotes. Thanks for sharing
Bless you Toni this blog was needed to give me some grounding
Aww no! It feels like you are going through a difficult time at the moment. Big hugs
Thank you got this very timely post. Lots to think about rather than lots to worry about. Love the small actions point to reduce the anxiety. Thank you.
NO worries. Thanks for commenting
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences about worrying. I’m guilty of being a worrier too, and it mostly contributes to raised blood pressure. Some of the replies here are very helpful too, and I’ll try and remember them when I let my imagination run away with worry. 🕊️
Yes, I learn from comments as well. Good luck. It takes practice x
I love that you talked about solution focus. About 20 years ago as part of training I did a course called solution focused thinking, it has had a massive impact on the way I approach life, it’s one of the best things I ever learnt. I also learnt a technique yo deal with catastrohising as part on training yo support children with anxiety. You look at 3 scenarios, best, worst and most likely and it helps you get a situation into perspective. I really enjoy your writing. It always resonates with me.
I did the solution focussed course at work as well. The other training sounds good. Yes that course had a massive impact on my life as well.