There’s something people don’t talk about enough when it comes to money, and that’s the embarrassment when you find it hard to make ends meet. I definitely felt it when I was younger. It is not just the worry or the stress about how you will pay the bills, but that quiet feeling that you are somehow a failure. I remember my family telling me that I should have done better, not got myself in this situation (single parent), and been more careful.
There have been times I’ve avoided people and conversations, worried about being asked out somewhere, or felt uncomfortable when money comes up in conversation. I totally remember the cold sweat at the till when you realise that you don’t have enough cash for your shopping and you have to ask to put something back. Those feelings can make you want to shrink a little, keep things to yourself, and just hide in your own little bubble, as I often did.
I also felt a failure as a parent. There was no way I could give my children all the material things that their friends had. We did well at car boot sales, though. I now know that spending quality time and giving them lots of skills, and fun experiences like picnics and playing in the river, were more beneficial for them. The latest toy or gadget would be forgotton but those memories stayed..
As I have aged, I have realised that struggling finiancially is not a personal failure. Life throws you curve balls. Circumstances change. Things happen that we never planned for. Look at the impact that the cost of living is having on families that could easily afford their standard of living before rents doubled and mortgages went up. Even people with good jobs and education are struggling now.
Somehow we are still left feeling like it’s something we should be ashamed of. Success, unfortunately, is often measured by how financially rich we appear to be, or how much we spend. I don’t believe that any more. It is all an illusion as lots of people that live that lifestyle do so on credit, and have the stress that goes with debt.
Over the years I have learned that there is a big difference between what the world calls “success” and what actually makes a life feel steady, meaningful, and even rich in its own way.
A warm, welcoming home full of preloved items showing my character, would be my choice now over a big posh house on those new estates that are popping up. Can you imagine the pressure to keep up with the Jones? My simple routines bring me peace, and being able to find the awe in ordinary makes every day have glimmers. Time with loved ones, and the kindness and resiliance, and meaningful conversations that I have with other people that have to live frugally isn’t evident on my bank statement, but enriches my life.
I am not saying that money doesn’t matter. Of course it does. It affects comfort, security, and choices. But it does not define your worth.
If you’ve ever felt embarrassed about your situation, you’re not alone. More people are quietly dealing with the same thing than you might think.
I have stopped hiding it. Instead I flaunt my frugal ways. It is a lot easier now adays as you can be seem a hero for helping the environment, which being frugal inadvertently does. I stopped comparing my life to other and started focusing on what feels good, and works for me. That meant a more simple life, intentional spending, more time in nature, and being resourceful with what I already had. I found gratitude and started focusing on the positives, and changed my mindset to see abundance rather than deprivation.
In some ways having little money is freedom from keeping up with other people. They have lower expectations of you and so you can suprise them. My frugal ways have allowed me to have holidays, designer clothes (from charity shops), and gorgeous meals cooked from scratch with bargain ingredients. Ex colleagues wonder how I can afford them as they live pay cheque to pay cheque.
There is so much joy out there that is free if we look for it. My spending and living are more intentional now, and I know that I am rich in so many ways.
If you are still at the stage where you feel embarrassed, please know this. You haven’t failed, you are adapting. There is still a way to build a life that feels full and meaningful, even if money is tight. Lean into it, be creative, make it a challenge or a game, and focus on what you do have rather than what you perceive is missing. You can do this.
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As ever Toni a lovely thought provoking article.
Aww thanks. I appreciate your lovely feedback
This chimed with me and my younger self. I quit a well paid and stressful job as I was scarcely seeing my young children. Consequently we were broke and often struggled. They went without posh holidays, clothes etc but we have so many happy memories together now they’re adults ❤️
Now I’m a widow and my frugal ways allow me to enjoy days out with friends, using money that would’ve been frittered away on material stuff I don’t need🙄
Fantastic. So pleased for you. That time with children is so precious
A lovely article and well written as always. I find myself far more content having less and wanting less. Things don’t matter… people do.
Absolutely. Thanks. X
Brilliant blog Toni
The more open we are the more ‘normal ‘ frugal becomes.
Frugal to me is about prioritising what I really want.
I have my monthly fun fund hoe I spend it is upto me.
It is becoming more difficult to survive on the same small amount of money for food and bills as everything goes up in price.
Thankfully our frugal friends are out there with ideas.
My less frugal friends are astonished that we manage on our rental income. Always loved proving I can.
It is so much fun see the astonishment of others. 😁 I agree, I managed easily at one time on my pension, but now I amchaving to get more and more creative. Thanks for sharing.
I agree with you 100%…..i have had to put things back at the checkout and felt so embarrassed. In todays expensive times so many are struggling and its not a failure or something to be ashamed of. Thank you for your wisdom Toni
No worries. Thanks for commenting
I’m lucky to have never been into consumerism, and have enjoyed bringing our sons up with nature as their playground. Pooh sticks, plant and tree naming, hunting for tadpoles, catching sticklebacks in jars, jumping in puddles, making art from autumn leaves. Nothing like a lovely sunny day next to a stream.
Frugal living seems to becoming the new ‘designer’ way to be at the moment, even amongst the young generation.
Yes I agree. I am so pleased that young people are embracing this way of life. Thanks for sharing
Great article Toni. I agree that no-one should be embarrassed about their financial situation. I also think that sharing experiences, interests and conversation is much more meaningful.
I, like another contributor on this post, have never been much into consumerism. So living frugally just makes sense to me.
I think that is especially true of a lot of us that are older. Unfortunately society has encouraged younger generations to enjoy now and pay later. Thanks for commenting
Another good article Toni – so many more people are finding it financially tight – even with both partners working – so anything to lessen the stigma is welcome. Thankfully neither of us have ever been interested in designer goods and keeping up with neighbours – we may not have much but what we have is bought and paid for and we are no longer in debt (apart from small mortgage) – sadly, we know people who are trying to live a lifestyle they really cannot afford and can see trouble brewing as they are already struggling with debt repayments.
I agree, I can see a lot of families that have over stretched being in real trouble later. Well done. Having no debt really reduces stress and increases choices. Thanks for sharing