Frugal living is often sold as a challenge. You wake up at 5am, meal prep everything, track every penny, never buy coffee, only shop intentionally, and never get tired. My frugal habits are often extreme and so I may give off that vibe, sometimes. However I certainly wasn’t like that in 2010. I was exhausted, burnt out, stressed, filled with anxiety, grief for what I thought I was losing, and felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.
For people running on empty, frugal living looks different. It is not about perfection, in fact it never really is. It is about reducing pressure and surviving. Sometimes frugality means buying frozen meals because you do not have the energy to cook. It might mean staying in bed all weekend because rest is cheaper than burnout, or shopping at a more expensive local store but looking for yellow stickers.
The internet often treats saving money like a competition, but survival has its own economy. When your energy is low, convenience becomes valuable. Peace becomes more important, and time becomes precious.
Being frugal is not about depriving yourself of every small comfort. It is about learning what actually matters to you and letting go of the things that do not. You do not need a perfectly organised budget binder. Making your own bread and cooking from scratch are not mandatory. You do not need to turn your life into a productivity machine. I certainly lived very differently to how I do now. I didn’t have the head space, or the capacity to focus in those days.
You just need systems gentle enough that you can actually maintain them. Maybe that means cooking simple meals instead of impressive ones. It might start with cancelling subscriptions you barely use. Maybe it means buying second-hand without shame. It could simply mean learning that rest can save money too. 
Burnout creates emotional spending. Stress creates survival spending. Exhaustion creates “I cannot deal with this right now” spending. I feel that a lot of financial advice ignores the emotional side of being overwhelmed. When people are running on empty, they are not lazy. They are overloaded. Realistic frugal living should make life feel lighter, not smaller.
The goal is not just to spend less money. lt is to create enough breathing room to feel like yourself again. Once that happens you will start to want to try other frugal habits, and be creative. The benefits will start to feel real and become obvious. 
I remember my confidence return, along with my self esteem. Small changes were making life easier, more simple, and less overwhelming. My debts were reducing, the stress and burden were slowly easing. I started feeling like one day I could thrive rather than just survive. Real joy was felt from bluebells in a local forest walk and I stopped yearning to visit Canada or somewhere. I could see the beauty in my own neighbourhood, or a car journey away. That didn’t happen over night, but over years.
So don’t let frugal influencers like me make you feel less, overwhelmed, or a failure if you are not doing what they do. I have built my skills and frugal habits up over many years. They are what works for me, what I enjoy, and fit into my life style. They aren’t necessarily right for you. Being frugal can be what ever you want it to be if it is helping you live within your means, and is reducing your stress.
Frugality is fluid, and doesn’t have to be perfect. You can splash out and spoil yourself if you have the resources. It is just a tool. There is so much joy to be found in the simple, free things, but if you want that expensive holiday, car, or outfit, and you have thought about it for a while, get it. There is no guilt in spending on what is important to you if you don’t have to go into debt to do it. We only live once. Filling your emotional tank up, and being happy, is more important than being perfect.
This weekend we stayed in an expensive room overnight. Frugal critics would tell me that I could get a week a way for the same price. I know I could. However, it has been a hell of a year and I wanted to do something special and different. We had a fantastic time, and experienced luxuries that are not in our usual life style. I had saved the money and spent it in the right way for us at this time.
Therefore work out your priorities. If you are struggling, and feel burnt out, your first step might be to just try to not build up any more debt . That was how I started. It will ease the pressure. You are the expert in what is right for you. Please don’t let anyone make you think differently.
Other blogs you may be interested in
Being frugal isn’t about deprivation
I love this. I can’t remember where I read ‘you can afford anything, but not everything’. I’m frugal with lots of things so that I don’t need to be with things that I want to spend money on. I like reading about other people’s frugality, in the same way I also find other people’s spending interesting. It reminds me that there are different ways to live and that I can choose what I want to prioritise my time or money on. Some of the ideas I copy, some aren’t for me right now. It is easy to feel like I’m failing when I spend significantly more than others and don’t DIY as much. But then other comments make me realise I do quite well, and have a pretty good balance for where I am in my life.
Thank you, you are the first writer to explain how being frugal doesn’t just apply to money, but also your time and energy level, if you are burnt out, maybe frozen dinners are preserving our time, etc…
Sorry that you had this comment made to you. I’ve had comments that being frugal is me being cheap or that they couldn’t live like me. But for me, I love the choice it gives me to enjoy the things I love, maybe lunch out with a friend or a spa day or the theatre. Everyone is different, you are a inspiration Toni
This blog is so true only you (meaning me) knows what is important to spend money on, how being your version of frugal let’s you make your own choices, sad to be judged for what you do especially when you are sharing your life
I’m sorry that person decided that they needed to say that mean thing to you. You’ve had such a terrible time of it recently as you say, and also – it’s actually nothing to do with them you you choose to spend your money.
One thing that you have said that I have held on to is that you learn/teach yourself a couple of frugal habits each year. So I cannot compare myself to you, as you are years ahead of me in your learning and skills. But, I will get there as long as I teach myself a few things a year.
I think you’re fantastic, so take no notice of the naysayers! X
This post is like a deep sigh of relaxation for me. Thank you
Thanks lani really appreciate your post! Nice examples of not trying to be like others but your unique self!
Another very interesting read Toni sorry to hear about the negative response from someone. We are away camping and decided to do this more often now going forward as we can enjoy drinks and meals out without breaking the bank,as camping to us is so cheap compared to other accommodation, even though hubby gets stressful at times ge says he enjoys it as he’s getting to old for it he says! X
It’s interesting isn’t It ?For me living simply and frugally means I can spoil myself and my family on holidays and breaks away.Idid not spend intentionally when I worked for the NHS for 35 years .When I retiredI had a company car which needed to be returned .In the boot I found duplicate items of clothing which I had obviously liked but never seen the light of day .I often think frugality is misinterpreted
We like our breaks away as well. There is no way I could afford themvif I wasn’t frugal. I think a lot of us are guilty of thaat in the past.
I love how you care so much about this community that you constantly reflect & give alternate views .
I love how this community doesn’t judge but encourages & shares . It’s the little steps that create momentum . X
Well written and very helpful. For me the key point is you saying ‘I had the money’ and that is what it’s about for me. I have a low income but if I can afford to do something I like without going into debt then I will.
People are strange, I’m happy that as I’ve got older I really have stopped caring about what others think about me or my life/choices..
“They” don’t pay my bills and I am also of the thought that if I don’t trust a person enough to ask their advice, then I don’t let their opinions hold any weight..
Your website is an absolute diamond mine of inspiration and I am so glad that I found it.
As you say, one persons frugal isn’t another’s.. 🤷🏻♀️
I take note of what’s useful for me, adapt some bits and leave what’s not.. simples!
Thanks for sharing your experience and knowledge Toni, it truly is appreciated. 😌
Thanks for your lovely comments. I think that is a great philosophy
We have had stressful times where my husband was made redundant from being at sea and he decided to retrain in IT, he took 3 parts time jobs and I took in foreign students. We had one holiday a year but we were very frugal with eating out and mostly cooked for ourselves.
I had a particularly stressful time with looking after both our mother’s and went 3 times in an ambulance with mine as she had a pulmonary embolism each time. We seemed to be forever at the hospital and my mum needed so much more care as she aged. My husband worked his way up from starting it work in a bank, a police station and then the NHS. Some of his work was travelling each day leaving early and getting home late so I had the boys, house and garden and mother’s to look after plus an aging dog.
When we were finally on our own and my husband retired we had made plans of places we wanted to see but that didn’t happen as I started having trouble with my health. I know some of my problems could have been caused by stress but some are likely to be inherited.
We haven’t had a holiday since covid and I do get angry sometimes as the times people have to wait for treatment or an operation just wastes time. I am only on the waiting list now for a new knee because we were frugal so could afford a private MRI, it wasn’t that expensive really when you are comparing it with other things. We are still looking at possibly 2 years before both are done.
I have had to buy several things to help make things easier and I am thankful for being able to. I am hoping we can go out for coffee tomorrow morning when our son comes round, I have asked him so will just have to whatever I am like and I will have to go in the wheelchair we were able to buy, although if we could go back in time I would choose one with better suspension!
So well written Toni and so true. I totally agree that people forget the emotional side of spending money and the impact it has. Frugal means different things for different people and we shouldn’t punish ourselves and compare ourselves to others.
So glad you’re safe & throughly enjoying your time together. We are all travelling along the same road but experiencing life at different speeds. Age helps us to validate our extremes whether it’s price or efficiency. Just because we spend less does not mean we are poor. Having a large savings account helps us to navigate life in our terms not someone else’s. Why do people have to insult someone who is living their best life? Because they are jealous?? Your doing so well just keep going.
Very wise words, Toni. Much wiser than those that were unkindly spoken to you in criticism. I appreciate your broad perspective and your understanding of how emotions affect our spending. I wish this was taught more widely, it might have helped my daughter. She’s ok now. Thanks for sharing your struggles and your learning for the benefit of others.
Toni, I hate that someone felt the need to make nasty comments. You have always guided us who are at various stages in our lives and pick up tips and support in whatever way they canm
So true, this post resonated with me. I am a proud Cheapskate, this means I am frugal, but not mean, I cut out the things I don’t want so I can afford the things I do. We have a budget, I MOO lots of things like cleaning products, cook from scratch instead of packets, but I don’t have a veggie patch any more, we live near a couple of really cheap greengrocers and I shop the specials in bulk, works for me, I also have good cheap butchers, they are halal, so at the end of one of their Ramadans when they have whole sheep $10-11/kg I buy one chopped into roasts and it lasts us a year as I freeze the cooked meat sliced and vacuum sealed. When chicken breast is $6-8/kg on special for the bulk 20kg box which can last up to 12-18 months as 1 large fillet sliced thinly horizontally and crumbed with leftover crusts and stale bread makes 3 schnitzels, which does our family of 3 adults for a nights meal. We rarely eat lentils etc. as some are on the spectrum and fussy about textures of food, but that doesn’t mean I’m bad, or that others should do things my way. I am naughty in that I would have stuck my rude finger up to whoever made nasty comments if it was made to me, so I admire your patience Toni, but I’d be considering the one strike rule if they make nasty comments again and block them.
I love this piece Toni. It explains so well that a simple, frugal life is about finding out what works for you personally, not some kind of rules-based deprivation competition (as the person who made the negative comment seems to believe, which is sad). The tips and advice that you so generously share from your own experience are a set of tools that others can pick and choose from as needed to help them create their best life within their individual circumstances. They’re not a set of hard and fast rules that you MUST follow or else you’re not doing it right. It’s about choice. It’s about making your life less stressful, not harder or denying yourself the occasional treat if you can afford it, and if there’s something that you really want or need then these tools can help you to achieve that without getting yourself into debt. Because we all deserve something nice occasionally – including you! 😊
Wonderful post. I’m sure it will help many who may be struggling. I certainly could have done with this advice when I was younger and struggling. I now at a stage in life where I am ever more grateful for the simple things and get a lot of gratification from living on less, with less. Xx
I agree Toni. Being frugal in whatever way you want to increases your freedom. I was so pleased yesterday to be able to help out my granddaughter – who is going through a really tough time – without worrying, and I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I hadn’t been keeping a ‘things happen’ fund available. Your posts and blogs have been really helpful to me. Thank you 🙏
Great read, sensible sound advice.
I think it was downright nasty of some one to make a negative comment after all the two of you have been through this year, you are frugal in so many ways that you are entitled to a splurge when you need it. As you say everyone is frugal in a way that suits them, I am only on the start of the journey, but I read your Facebook post every day for tips and hints to take me on my journey and they are amazingly helpful x
This was a gentle article, and recognized the emotional and not-having-the-energy side of things very well. Definitely the first time I’ve seen where frugality and a simple lifestyle expressed as something other than just another goal to reach. Burnout is real, and change can come when you have space to breathe and feel what is important in your own skin. Well done, thank you.
Some of the happiest times in my life have been when we were living on a tight budget and had to be creative with the little money we had. One example was trying camping because other holidays were too expensive. It was the best thing we could have done, our young children had so much fun and we still remember those holidays fondly. We lived in an affluent area and had lots of snarky comments but that didn’t stop us having fun and living within our means. Your blog has been such a joy to read and given my inspiration and made me feel better about the choices I’ve made. Thank you.
Such a great blog and encapsulates exactly what being frugal is all about. Everyone has to find a way that fits them and their household and everyone has different priorities. Trying some other people’s ideas is great if they work for you. I’ve seen so many great ideas on here. So pleased that you enjoyed your luxury hotel stay.
Aww thank you.